end of the month

What does it bring?
Well it's a Tuesday so it's new release day.  No idea what movies are being released today, as I have not been to Blockbuster all month.  So hang on let me check iTunes... okay, they have not updated their stuff yet, isn't that a kicker. 
Mom has her appointment at the hospital today,  and I must correct a listing from yesterday morning,  tomorrow she goes to the eye doctor for him to double check that she still needs the eye surgery then goes next week for the actual surgery.  Yesterday was to our family doctor to make sure she was healthy enough for all this.

Aug 31st also means that tomorrow is Sept 1st.  A day that sends panic and dread into me.  Tomorrow will be 4 years since the car accident.  Yeah it was 10am on Sept 1st 2006. 
The nightmares have not been as bad lately but still there.  Except for the nightmares, it does not feel like it was real. Well, and the scar on my right ribs and the slight breathing issue I have when trying to climb stairs now and my shoulder being a little mis-shapened....

I'm not good with serious - serious freaks me out.

Mr Darcy's Little Sister

Yes I got the review done on time... so to speak.
It is here on my book blog  

I must say, one of the better Jane Austen sequels out there. 

Monday Aug 30th 2010 7:45 am

I'm up physically.  Haven't had coffee yet. 
Mom has a week of doctor's appointments so my today, tomorrow and Wednesday are scattered.  So much fun.
Today, she has to go in to our family doctor to get a once over saying that she's healthy enough to go in for day surgery on Wednesday.  She's getting the cataracts removed. 
Tomorrow's is something at the hospital in the x-ray department,  Mammogram I think.

And of course, it's a thunder storm today, we have to take a bus, and my back is acting up again. Most likely because I was feeling better and over did things last few days. 

And on top of everything else, Mr. Darcy's Little Sister  is due for review today and I still have 8 chapters to go.  I'm one of those people who can not read anything if there is noise around me so taking the book to the doctor's is out of the question. 

Yeah that was brilliant

It's +32 Celsius here and I wore long sleeves.  I'm totally hot, and not in a good way today. 
One of those days were I just do not want to be here in this frealing apartment cause it's depressing. So I took my depressed ass to the grocery.  

Remember I talked before about ExpressCheckOut-Guy well, I'm standing there in line with my mix matched batch of groceries, and I look over at the dude totally taken off guard.  He used to have that messy Chris Sabin hair thing happening,  now, buzzed it right off. 
Okay, so I was putting this guy at 23-ish that was with the long shaggy hair look,  now you can actually see his face, all of it.  Including the wrinkled lines.  Now I'm thinking ExpressCheckOut-Guy is more likely to be closer to 28-ish. 

Anyways,  I without thinking cause I'm brilliant for talking without thinking ahead of time,  I say "Oh you cut your hair" 

Like that's not the most obvious thing on the planet right. Right.
And he just beams at me saying "I wasn't sure you were going to notice."

He wasn't sure I was going to notice.  

Um okay. He's cute, not drop dead gorgeous or anything but cute in a local bad boy teenaged fantasy sort of way, so I think it's safe to say every straight woman who's been through the store today noticed.  Then he proceed to tell me he did it himself with a razor. 

Why is it when I get pissed off with my hair and start hacking away at it myself it ends up looking like, well that I got pissed off and started hacking away at it myself,  but when a man does his own hair it always comes out looking fabulous? 

What's in a name

I know that two ex boyfriends and one former lover read my stuff. *Freud* Hang on, I'm taking you back through another Eat Pray Love moment. In the book there is a character who Liz meets at the Ashram in India, who starts calling her "Groceries". Harmless name.
I could not get this out of my head last night when I went to bed. That whole segment is at the point in her life when she was learning forgiveness. Forgiveness for those around her and for herself.

I swear some days the only thing keeping me breathing is my anger. I also know my life will never improve if I don't get over it. Completely.

Where am I going with this you are asking.
Trainwreck. King Dork.

Two men that turned my world upside down and STILL have this massive effect on me. Why?
Simple, I let them. I did not get it till now. I chose those names for a few reasons, 1) When I started blogging nearly 7 years ago (right after the end of my relationship with Trainwreck) I wanted to sound like Sex and the City 2) That's how I felt, still feel about him/them. Like they are larger then life.

By giving them such "heavy duty" names, I have been giving them all this power. And each time I wrote those names, I made myself feel less worthy. Less important in my own life. Less like I mattered.

dude I hope you have a coffee cause it's getting serious this early in the morning.

Trainwreck. Yes, he was a big love, maybe the biggest. The guy was also a massive asshole. Just hearing someone talk about him in a coffee shop still sends me into a panic and makes me want to throw things. But he is just a man. Nothing special. Musician, dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin, video game junkie. He was a Pisces, a water sign. That right there should have warned me off that he was wrong for me, as I'm an Aries -a fire sign. So by giving him a new name... Mr. Fishiness. I take back the power you have over me. (Anyone else feel like watching David Bowie in Labyrinth now? "You have no power over me") Much less impactful a name, Mr.Fishiness.

King Dork. Not even a full out lover. Why have I given him so much importance all this time? Have I mentioned that he shares traits with Mr. Fishiness? Musician, dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin, video game junkie, (You see my main pattern here) Yes he did have some other good traits that I was looking for in a guy (big reader, painter) But once again, just a man. Neither of these men know how to be alone. It's not because they are so hot either, they just can not survive by themselves. In this case, Erin's husband pointed that out to me, she got herself a great one. King Dork not so much the big man on campus he wants to believe he is, so new name... Lad. Just an overgrown six year old really. Wow, that really takes the wind out of the sails on him doesn't it?. Right quick too.

Yes I know, I got played by both these guys. Like a red violin I got played. But I let it happen. Way too eagerly I let them. No more sweeping the mess under the rug. Mr. Fishiness was the reason I stopped going to bars here in town. That was back in 2004 right after the end of the relationship. I was afraid to bump into him. Which is really sad considering my Uncle owns a bar.
Okay so that is one of my goals for the end of the year, as I said back in the beginning of 2010 that this was a year of getting over my fears, before Dec 31st I need to go to the bar.

Spiders and movies

I think I managed to read 4 pages today of the book before I had enough.  I could not stay in the apartment and ended up just grabbing the first bus down town.  Ended up at the craft store and then the cinema.  Something was tugging at me to see Eat Pray Love  again. 
So there's me, sitting watching this film, focusing on the idea behind it and the scene when she's at the Ashram in India meditating,  I wanted to jump up and just scream "I don't know who I am anymore."  But I did not. 
I sat there like a good little girl and listened to the giggling teenagers.  Then I went to the mall next door. Wandered around like a lost puppy looking at all the sales. 
Coming out of the mall I happened to look up at a sign for Urban Outfiters.  There were two massive brown spiders on it.  Just the size of a tub stopper.  Huge.  I do not think I've ever seen a spider of that type that big. 
While waiting for the bus,  I looked over at the street light, and there was a spider web that you would have mistaken for hallowe'en costume webbing.  I walked over to it and touched it.  Icky, it was real.
On the bus, and the dude sitting beside me was wearing a SpiderMan shirt.   Okay, that's way too many spiders in a day let alone a 45 minute time frame.  There is something going on here I need to pay attention to.  So I looked it up. 

Spiders= connected to the Goddess Athena (a goddess of war, wisdom and skill) .  Spirituality, art, succubi, fertility, immortality, birth, death, sex, destiny, wealth, power, balance from past to present, understanding illusions and realities, and communication. It's also seen as a symbol of female independence. 

Okay, a movie about finding your balance in the physical and spiritual side of yourself then a bunch of spiders.  That was my afternoon.  How was yours?

Current Book List for Review

Two more came this morning in the mail,  The Winter Sea and the Forever Queen

At this rate, I am going to be not sleeping at all before the last deadline of November 18th.

I am in the middle of Mr. Darcy's Little Sister  and I must say, one of the better Jane Austen styled sequels.   It's due for Monday. 

There are still about 3 books on their way.  The next on the stack is a biography, short by the seems of it so hopefully I can get back on track with things.  Totally puts book club on hold for at lest a month.

More Omens

1. When you drop silverware/chopsticks   it means company is coming
2. When you spill water when making coffee/tea  a storm is coming
3. When cooking rice if a ring forms on the pot you are about to get money
4. When boiling eggs if they crack in the water you are about to get uninvited company
5. When the broom/mop falls company is coming
6. When your nose itches you have a secret admirer 
7. When the bottom of your left foot itches you are to travel 
8. When your left palm itches you are about to receive money 
9. When your lips itch you will soon be kissed
10. If you sneeze on a Saturday you will see your true love the next day 
11. If you sneeze on a Tuesday you will soon kiss a stranger
12. If your shoe laces come undone your true love is thinking of you
13. If the right side of your body itches your true love is thinking of you
14. If your ear is burning then someone is talking about you

Music break- Streetheart "Mad as Hell"

I can't believe I found this!  Anyone know if there is a real video for it?

Mad as Hell (a short)

Were the rumours true? Could he continue on if they were? Caleb was beside himself with the idea that she would cheat on him. He found himself at a near run as he crossed the street towards her place.
The traffic this time of night was sparse as he did not bother to wait for the lights, but instead crossed midway in the street. It had started to rain as his dark hair now was plastered to his face dripping in a coldness down the collar of his leather jacket.
The lights were on in her kitchen.
Caleb stood under the brown and grey covering over the front door to her building, craning his neck to see in her second floor window. It was opened a few centimeters. Estelle loved the sound of the rain and often left the windows wide open when there were storms.
He had to strain his ears but managed to pick up the sound of glasses clanking lightly. Caleb shuffled from one foot to the other as a breeze picked up knocking another round of rain at his face, the cuffs of his jeans now heavy from the puddles. He wanted to go in. Wanted to see for himself that what Ronnie said was just talk. Then it happened. A man's laugh rang through the open window.
Caleb realized the front door to the building was not closed all the way, letting himself in he climbed the flight of stairs to her door. He rang the doorbell twice, fear starting to clutch at his spine. It opened exposing Estelle, her short red hair like a messy flame next to her pale skin.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" she side stepped for him to enter the tiny hallway. "Everything okay?" Caleb didn't answer just shook his head water droplets splashing her and the wall. He wiped at his face, his thin lips in a hard line. A pair of cowboy boots were tossed in the middle of the hall. That was all he needed to see, all he needed to know. But he moved on into the kitchen, not taking off his wet sneakers, not caring that he was leaving slippery puddles of dirty rain in his wake. There was a large man sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee. A man he didn't know, just sitting there in a pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt like nothing was wrong. Caleb turned to Estelle his mind not processing what he was seeing. But his heart was in his stomach, his throat threatening to close.

He screamed at her a noise that was more then a sound but at the same time nowhere close to being a word. His right palm hit the wall just a few inches from her ear.
"I trusted you! HA! I trusted you!" he screamed again before turning back to the man in the kitchen. "Don't think she's going to love you. Don't think that she's going to be what she promises." he grabbed the nearest chair throwing it across the room hitting the sink before leaving.
**********


He turned the shower off the doorbell ringing again. He'd thought that he'd heard it. Sniffing, Caleb grabbed the dark blue towel wrapping it around himself knowing full well who it was. She could wait damn it. The doorbell rang a third time before he even left the bathroom. He shut off the lights as he walked through the apartment opening the door to the hall and not even waiting for her to come in. The dark haired male just turned around and went back to his bedroom finding a pair of clean underwear. Estelle closed the front door with a hard whack; the sound of her purse and coat hitting the nearest chair was followed by her sneakers being kicked off. Caleb saw the alarm clock read 3:13 am. The witching hour of course. Estelle was in the doorway of his bedroom suddenly her arms crossed over her chest, the v-neck of her tee shirt tugging on one side.
"You going to tell me what that was all about?" she asked.


"I caught you. What is there to talk about?" he crawled into bed not wanting to get any closer to her. Estelle was in no mood to let him keep his distance and sat on the empty side of the bed, leaning over him.


"Just what do you think you caught me doing?"


"I trusted you and you slept with someone else!" his voice rose again as he pulled the covers over his face.


"You're such a baby. I have a friend over and you think it's sexual. Good god man."


He moved the covers again to face her in the darkened room "Well yeah. You had a man in your apartment at twelve o'clock at night and I have heard all about how you two have been seen around town together. Don't try to tell me you weren't cheating" he all but sulked.


"I was not cheating. Good to know you care. "


"I don't care." he said kicking at the covers and getting back out of bed leaving the room. Estelle let out a deep sigh and followed him to the living room. He'd picked up the remote for the tv then turned on the video gamer.


"Yes you do. You wouldn't be acting like an over grown six year old if you didn't" she said now fluffing the nearest cushions. She sat down beside him then on the sofa, her left hand on his right knee. "What do you mean, you heard how we've been seen around town?"


"Ronnie." he said not taking his eyes off the video game as he jerked his knee causing her hand to slip. "He said that he'd seen you a few times at the gallery and the book store with this guy. That you two were laughing and carrying on like a couple of teenagers." he snarled as his character died.


"Ronnie. I should have known. I can't believe you would trust Ronnie over me. Hayden..."
Caleb turned sideways to look at her over his shoulder.


"Hayden? His name is Hayden? Stupid name." he laughed. "Get off me." he jerked his shoulder this time forcing her to move a few centimeters. "Don't touch me! You have Hayden cooties." he shook his head from side to side now hunched over involved with his video game.


"We're not sleeping together."


"Then why was he in your apartment at twelve o'clock at night?" his eyes were squinted up as he tried not to look at her, the ridge between his eyebrows tight.


"He's a friend from work. Just moved here from Alberta. Doesn't know anyone and we hit it off"


"HA!" he dropped the game controller and stood up again moving towards the window. "You are sleeping with him. You did cheat!" He half turned, pointing at her, his jaw squared as if ready for a punch.


"Oh my god you're an idiot! Why would I?" Estelle was standing now too moving towards the bathroom. "I needed some advice on something so he came over after work. Yes, we hang out a lot but what the hell do you expect." she was talking now through the bathroom door. "You're out with your buddies most the time." the toilet flushed a minute later as Estelle returned picking up her coat and purse. She started to struggle with her sneakers. "Besides, it's not like you ever actually called me your girl. Not once have you introduced me as anything more then my name." she searched for her cell phone and dialed a cab. "You know what, maybe I should sleep with Hayden. Lest then I'd know where I stood" she unlocked the door and started down the hallway towards the main lobby.
Caleb could do nothing but watch her leave. A sick stabbing feeling caused him to double over his pale hand on his stomach as he suddenly felt the need to vomit. He barely made it to the bathroom before the two beers and pizza he'd had earlier forced it's way from his pale lips.
******
The photocopier flashed a green colour that made him feel dizzy as he waited for his pages. Caleb smoothed down his tie as he chewed on the inside of his cheek. It had been almost two weeks since the fight with Estelle and he was feeling lost. He didn't want to admit it, but it just wasn't the same without her. Caleb collected up the photocopies and headed back to his desk when Greg stopped him.
"Hey man, you coming to the game tonight?" the blonde man asked.


"What time?" his dark eyes darted back and forth as he tried to remember who was playing.


"I can pick you up at 6. Game starts at 7pm." Greg said picking up his coffee cup and heading to the staff room. Caleb just nodded in agreement and continued on to his desk. He'd missed three messages while he'd been in the copy room. Two were from his supervisor reminding him that the lunch with the raw foods critic was moved to next week, and one his sister asking him if he was coming home for Thanksgiving. The dark haired male just let out a deep sigh as he rested his face on his desk. A family gathering was the last thing he was in the mood for. "Just call her already" Greg said placing a coffee mug down on the far side of the desk. Caleb simply raised his hand giving his friend the finger. "You're making your life hell, you're making my life hell, and the guys in the mail room have bets on how long before you become a danger."


"A danger?" he raised his face from his desk taking the coffee.


"Yeah man. A danger to us." he gestured to himself then to the half empty row of cubicles. "The chicks over in accounting have a truce going for another two weeks. Then all bets are off and they will hunt you down like a mad dog. That's bad for the rest of us, cause there are some of us who are not as handsome looking. You single are a danger to our sex lives. So, for our sakes, Barnie's, Justin's and Cooper's and mine, call Estelle and patch it up."

"She screwed me." he said into the coffee as he drank deeply. Caleb made a face commenting on how horrible the coffee was and needed more sugar.

"Not lately she hasn't. It is bad today isn't it? Wonder who made it?" He picked up the receiver and handed it to him. "Call her. I'll wait"


Caleb slammed it back down. "I don't want to call her."


"Fine then. I'll call her for you." he said picking back up the receiver and hitting the line to dial out then hitting the first two numbers before nearly getting his fingers broken as Caleb slammed down his own hand stopping him.


"NNNNNNAAAAAWWWWWW!" he wailed like a bandshee then made a face as if he'd been hit, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. Greg started to head back to his own cubicle.


"Just fix it."

*******************************
Part 2 soon.

Maybe I do want one of those...part 2

I said about a month ago that I was starting to want a baby.   The last few days the idea has gotten stronger instead of going away.
There's something wrong here I know it! 
Around the beginning of the year, I asked the Universe/Fates/God/Goddess/Source  what my REAL purpose on this planet was.  I'm thinking getting a sign pointing me towards some other sort of career that I might not have thought of before like teacher or computer sales or replacing the coffee filters in the venting machines, but what happened was I got thrown into a mass of mommies.

What's going on here?
No joke.  First off was the movie Motherhood, followed by most of the blogging networks I was part of being mostly mommy blogs, to my sister moving in with her boyfriend and taking on the role of step mom to his four kids like a fish to water.   I ran from this faster then you could say bad hair day.

I put the question out there again, what am I suppose to be doing, why am I on this planet?  My tarots repeatedly had the Empress and the Queen of Pentacles which are motherhood cards.  I started getting asked out by a mass of single dads. And another round of mommy movies suddenly were in my face Back Up Plan, The Switch, Bad Mother's HandBook, not too mention the dreams I've been having of a little boy.

As a writer, I tend to favour the same six or so names and get scolded every time by my friend Erin when she agrees to read them.  I've been wanting to get a book of baby names for my writing and was thinking this yesterday.  
Less then an hour later,  I got an email from one of the publishing companies I do book reviews for, telling me that because of some of the work I've done I could pick from a small selection of back books. The choices were mostly ones they already sent me and a book of baby names.   Now if that isn't a massive slap to the face with a dead fish,  I don't know what is.

So here is me this morning flipping through movie trailers on iTunes Canada, and the Back Up Plan was on.  My thoughts as I jumped up from the computer,  "I can not do this! It's not what I want! It's not who I am!" 
I was in the shower thinking about this whole thing, the whole time thinking "I just want to be married to the right guy." 

I would make the worst parent on the planet. So why the hell is this the only thing I can think of last few days?

Meanwhile in a messy room cross town...part 3

Thanks to everyone who stopped by yesterday from WOW and made my BON day a good one.   I hope some of you return in the future.

I'm working on a few new short stories for the blog, might have one up later today... I have to learn to stop promising blog posts before hand as every time I do that on my book blog or cooking blog I never make it.  Something always happens and gets in my way.

But hey, I managed to read 2 full chapters of Mr. Darcy's Little Sister  that I am doing for review.  The review is due on Monday, book is being released on Wednesday.   I have something like 400 pages to go. I know I know, I'm cutting the deadline to the second on things again.  I have to learn not to put stuff off till the very last second. 

Welcome I'm a Blogger of Note

Welcome my Spudguns.  Your favourite ghoul next door was given a chance to be the Blogger of Note today by Words of Wisdom.
For anyone new to my blog,  HI!  I'm Ardeth Blood. I'm a single,vegetarian, 36 year old woman living in one of the coldest areas of Ontario up in Canada.
I'm a writer with a background in media, who is a wrestling fan.  I'm also a book reviewer.

Rules state that I am suppose to pick 3 of my best or favourite posts.   Harder then it seems. I am fairly happy with my choices so please check them out.

This is one of my favourite posts   Unopened Letters to an Imaginary Husband part 8 
which I wrote over the course of a year.  It's a collection of poems of Gratitude.  I am always adding to the Unopened Letters to an Imaginary Husband.  I got the idea from doing the Gratitude Journal, and being thankful for things that the universe is yet to give.

Here is one from my Tarot series of posts  Just a taste of what I have been studying off and on over the years.

For my last post,  I decided to give you a taste of what started it all.  My Sex and the City style column. What Would Carrie Do ? I was torn with wither to pick SATC or a wrestling post, as that is what I've become infamous for in the last few years.

I hope you find me and my little area of interest and above all funny.

Life should be filled with food, laughter and bad camera work always.

Mindlessness

"The reason, the reason, the reason"  he said as he danced across the floor spilling coffee and cigarette ash.
The table covered with pages and spilled jelly beans.
He smiled, his lips pale around the filer of his rapidly disappearing cigarette. His left hand drawing circles in the air as he continued.  "The reason we continue to play the game is the same reason as before. for the fame for the nights and the days of laying awake and having that naked body beside us in bed. The reason will never change." He squinted as he pointed his finger at the orange cat "will always stay the same. Grief and murderous intentions of our own black little hearts." He moved across the room pacing left to right then back again, the phone grabbing his attention.  It was Bill. He listened without hearing nodding to the receiver.  "Yes come over. Allan's here" he turned to look at the closed bathroom door.  "Bring a bottle of tequila" he hung up and turned back to the cat who was now licking up the spilled coffee from the corner of the counter.
"It's the same my friend as it was when we were younger men. When our brothers were the ink spillers and blowing up the stage. The reason will always stay the same." He fished out a fresh cigarette from his breast pocket as he continued to pour another cup of coffee this time with cream. Shooing the cat off the table he put the cup down in front of the empty chair for Allen then bent his neck to light the cigarette.  The pure white stem becoming grey ash in two quick draws of breath.

*******************
By Ardeth Blood  a scene from one of my short stories

Your box holds what

You're thinking "oh god the bitch is thinking again... never good"

In the movie Eat Pray Love  there is a scene where Liz's best friend shows her the box of baby stuff and tells her she'd been collecting it for years waiting. Liz then tells her she has one of her own, but it's filled with travel brochures. 
Most of the women I grew up with had done the same thing for their wedding and/or baby.  Collecting the ingredients for one or both in a hope chest or wish box since they were about twelve or thirteen.

I have neither.   I do not even have one for a career like Liz did in the movie. 

Tonight's one of those nights where I am wondering about all this kind of stuff.  Did I miss out on a big part of my own destiny because I never wanted "the normal girly stuff"? 

Dude, I do not even know what I would use for a hope chest.  Could be too late to even start.
I think I am babbling into the wind tonight.  Too much information and not enough brain to hold it all.

Tuesday Aug 24th 2010 5 pm

My mother decided she wanted to go to the movies today.  Right off I should have known something was off kilter.  Mom never likes to go anywhere but shopping.  And she never asks me to do things like that. I should have been more careful. 
She wanted to see the new Jason Bateman movie   The Switch  okay, I actually wanted to see that too so sure why not.
We get on the bus and she starts talking about Setla's play and made the comment about how I never go to see any of them.  She kept poking at the topic for the whole bus ride. And then I in my stupidity, told her cause my ex is part of the theater group and I do not want to see him.   Mom sat up straight with a big grin on her face.  She, it seems already knew this.   Setla told her.  What her game was today is beyond me.

We get to the cinema and take our seats.  Mom opens the bottle of pop she had and it goes everywhere.  It had been in my bag the whole bus ride and I told her to wait.  So sitting there beside her, sticky and freezing cause the air conditioning was on. 

Movie was pretty good for a typical romantic comedy.  Funny very funny.  And it got me thinking about the whole having a kid idea again.  Yeah, I know I know there's something happening that I have no idea how to explain.  I guess my age is finally catching up with me or something. 
So the plot of the film is that Jennifer Aniston's character decides she wants to have a baby and asks her best friend to help pick someone.  When he gets jealous she goes ahead and picks a married man to be the donor.  The sperm gets dropped and spilled and Jason Bateman's character then replaces it with his own. Years later the three of them, are in a twist as the original donor's wife leaves him and he becomes a sudden figure in their lives. 
The two things that went through my mind the most during the movie were, 1) what does it cost ? and 2) if all the adults in the film have blue eyes why did they cast a kid with brown eyes?  
Yes, I was thinking about the actual genetics of what the kid should have looked like.  Don't ask I don't know. 
So then what is the final deciding factor in wanting to go that route? 

I have always believed children ruin relationships.  That is because they did in my family and friend's.  We all know that we continue what we learn unless we make a choice to change the cycle that we are in. That we are apart of. 
Whenever someone in my family, or my social circle had a kid, they moved away emotionally from everyone.  The singletons got locked out of the social order and the relatives as well for that matter. 

I'm at a point where I am trying to change my life, change the way I present myself to the world because I am trying to bring my soulmate to me.  But at the same time, all I can think about as of late is the idea of a kid.  
To me this is a massive conflict.  How could I have a real solid faithful loving soulmate relationship with a kid in the mix? 
I can not.  It's one or the other.

I wonder if I should even bother checking into the cost of the procedure?

Do not watch Lesbian vampire films with your gay friends

 It's dangerous man!

I love this movie.  Dude, it's funny. My friend Sophia and her girlfriend, were not sharing with the joy at all.

Plot: Fletch and Jimmy have both just been fired and dumped, and decide to have a vacation.  Both being broke agree on a hike in the nearby area.  Soon they find themselves sharing a cabin with a group of college girls.  The girls are there to study the mythology of Carmilla the Queen Vampire.  Unknown to them,  the villagers that sent them to this cabin have been cursed by Carmilla.  On the day of their 18th birthday all the women in the village turn into lesbian vampires.  The cabin is their feeding ground.  Unknown to Jimmy,  he's the last in a line of warriors who can defeat Carmilla and end her curse.  All he needs is a sword of pure steel that is penis shaped.

First off, I know this is going to piss alot of people off, but it was a fun movie.  Done in a comicbook style and in similar fashion to a Scooby-Doo cartoon, you know right off this is not your typical teen vampire movie.   It walks a line closer to From Dusk till Dawn then anything else you've seen lately.  (like a scene where one of the boys are in the bathroom and ends up in a fight with a vampire who's only trace after being killed are her implants)
I thought it was a brilliantly bold move to have the vampires not splatter red blood or black for that matter but infact.... white goo  when killed.  (I'm sorry I thought it was frealing funny stab the chick and she splatters white sticky stuff ) 
There is little to no seriousness to this film, just a lot of laughing.  A nice take on the Carmilla plot, which I have to say I haven't really ever been a fan of Carmilla movies other then Stay Alive.
The running joke that the only way to kill the queen is to "run her through with a large steel rod with a cock shaped handle"  did it for me, I was laughing for the entire film the first time I saw it few months ago, and was just giggling my ass off this round. (yes I bought it!)  My friends did not feel this movie was "productive to feminism". 
My response to my friends was "Nether am I" 

This is one of those vampire films that will become a cult classic for late night horror parties.

3 of Swords

It's like the day of tarot or something.   Once again, I picked up the cards and this time the 3 of Swords fell on my foot.   Good thing cards are light as a feather or I'd be broken.

This is a card of alienation, self doubt, the card of truth, of love lost, misunderstandings and gossip, removal, absence, delay, division, rupture, dispersion, error, loss, distraction, disorder, confusion.  Basically, a card of chaos.

When you get this card, it might be telling you that things are not as they appear.  Right now, given that Mercury is retrograde I am sure it will be popping up in many readings. 
It's a card that tells you to not trust what you see and to dig for the truth.  

Given that it jumped out at me right after the Queen of Wands did,  I am wondering if I'm needing to do a reading....

Queen of Wands

A court card, and one of the few that talks about a person more so then an actual element/thing.
It means a good trustworthy female, if in it's proper side up.
In it's reversed it means untrustworthy female.

This card also represents a love of money, and if it's sitting beside another card that depicts a man, she is interested in him. 

Kind of a oddity in the tarot when you really think about it.  It also can represent harvest.   Harvesting anything normally one would connect with the Pentacles or Coins cards, but in this case the Queen of Wands is the it factor. 

Queens are water elements, and Wands are Fire elements.  What does that mean,  when this card shows up something is about to fizzle or steam.  When this card shows up in a reading, ask yourself have you faced any of your fears as of late?  She's a card of action.  The downside of this card might be telling you that there is a pushy female element in your life trying to manipulate you into something you don't want.  Ask yourself if that might be the situation.

Normally, I only post when I get a repeating card in my readings.  That today was not the case.  I was simply moving a book and knocked the cards off the table and the Queen of Wands landed on my foot.  She literally bit me.

Dear Miss Bates (a beginning)

I was told I had made the list for Blogger Of Note by the writers group, so I started working on this last week. Thought I might add it before my "spotlight".   If you liked my last short story  He's Haunting Me   then you might like the next chapter in the series.

Hi   Too informal he thought. 
Dear Adar Too much like he was trying too hard.  Cooper  looked down at the flashing cursor on his screen, letting out a deep sigh.  He hit the back button again removing the short line leaving the writing box white again. 
He scratched at the short dark hair as he thought some more.  How could he let her know what he thought of the whole issue if he couldn't even find an opening line?  Mindlessly, he sipped at the cold coffee beside him and decided he needed to get a refill.  
The office was still just beginning to show signs of life as he peeked out over the edge of his cubical. Smoothing down the crimson red tie, Cooper moved through the empty rows of desks to the equally empty staff room. There was no coffee made yet.  His shoulders slouched on their own accord as he realized he'd have to make some.  This was why most of the staff brought their own coffee in the mornings in snazzy little travel mugs.  So they would not have to be the one to make the first pot of the day.  No one ever seemed to agree on the amount to use, as some liked it as strong as diesel fuel others as week as coloured water. 
Coffee grinds flew everywhere as he stumbled from the slap on his back.  Cooper turned to see Vincent standing beside him laughing.  "What's shaking bacon?"  he said putting a large box of donuts on the table behind them.  Cooper scrapped up the fallen coffee grinds dumping them into the sink. 

"I hate it when you do that.  And nothing."  he half turned back to look at the bald British man. "Have you seen Adar.  I haven't seen her in the office lately. She on vacation?"  he hit the start button on the coffee maker. 

"What you haven't heard? She's in hospital. Went on assignment few weeks ago and the guy went psycho on her." Vincent said stuffing half a glazed donut into his mouth before continuing. "Claimed he was a vampire."  The bald man straightened his own black tie looking in the small mirror that sat over the sink before going to his own cubical feeling smug. 

 Cooper stood still, in shock his blue eyes wide as he tried to process what he'd just heard.  Adar in hospital cause some dude ,what bit her?  He suddenly felt a sick rush beginning to creep up from his stomach and raced to the men's room.  The dark haired male stood a few minutes later splashing cold water on his face as images ran through his mind.  He'd heard on the news a few days ago when driving to work about a series of vampire styled attacks, but no names had ever been given out.  He had no idea that Miss Bates had been one of them.  The bile forced its way up his throat again leaving Cooper shaken and with a bad taste in his mouth.  
The door opened as Ted walked in.  It took Cooper a few minutes to realize he was talking to him. He snapped out of his stupor long enough to hear the end of the joke. 
"And the Newfie  says to his girl,  but I'm in no position to see the stars."  Ted laughed at his own joke, his long hair slicked back.  "You're not laughing. It's funny cause they're having sex and they're in a car ... Cooper you okay, you look like something my dog vomited up."  Cooper nodded, sniffing then moved on back to the staff room.  

The scent of fresh coffee did not smell as good to him as it would have normally, it just seemed to be like acid burning his nose as he poured himself a cup.  He sat mindlessly at his computer not paying attention to the files he had opened that were already two days behind.  He jumped as someone slammed into the side of his cubical.  Looking up, he spotted Jake.  
"You ready?" Jake asked, his short bleached hair gleaming in the artificial light. "Vincent's waiting with the guys from G-Tec." he chewed his gum noisily. 

"The presentation.  No, I am not ready I completely forgot." he scrambled reaching for the presentation folder he had sitting on top of his small filing drawer. He started to scratch at his side and then stopped.

"What's wrong with you, got fleas or something?" Jake asked still chewing on the gum.

"New tattoo." 




Part 2 soon....

Vampire break- Dracula Dead and Loving It

Found this on youtube, and I thought why not 

My Thoughts on TNA Impact for Aug 19th 2010

I used screen capture for this post

 

iTunes Canada had it available Friday morning,  I just was not in the mood to do it.

We open with Abyss and Hardy all over the place.  The announce team a bit off their game.
This ran for the first 7 minutes by my clock before they got things "under control".
Up next was Eric Bishoff with letting everyone know that the belt is now empty and a tournament will start for the new number one contenders.
So the first round is Jeff Hardy vs Rob Terry.  Of course, Hardy won.
Next round is Jay Lethal vs Mr. Anderson.  Mr. Anderson won.
KnockOuts match next, Love vs Rayne.   Love won and kept her title.
Back to the tournament, Doug Williams vs Kurt Angle.  Angle got Williams to tap out.  This match was the highlight of the night I think. 
Next round was Matt Morgan the evil druid vs Pope.   Pope got the win.
A.J. Styles vs Tommy Dreamer in the main event.  Styles got the win because of Abyss interrupting. 
And the MotorCityMachine Guns! they just recapped a piece of their interview from last week's Reaction reminding everyone they have a match next week.

I used to love wrestling.  But, if you have been reading my stuff the last few months -how lazy I've gotten with the reviews,  you know I've fallen out of love with it. I have not missed an episode of Impact since it debuted on Spike in the fall of 2005. All the talent and skill that the wrestlers present every week,  I love these guys what can I say,  why lie about it. I think they are fabulous and deserve all the press we can give them. Make their ratings jump.
When I started doing this,  it was fun.  I started with just a few lines once a week commenting on the gimmicks and asking why certain feuds were shut off midway.  Who would have guessed it would become my most popular posts.  Before I knew it, I had people googling for results every week and messaging me about the show cause they missed it. (This lead to the silliness that I spun into and decided to run wild with).  And a start to a tiny trend as now, there are so many fans out there doing weekly reviews, not just the big official sites, but the "little guys" so to speak. And I certainly was not the best at it,  just the loudest. And hopefully the funniest.  And alright  the rudest.
But things were said, feelings were hurt (on both sides of the blog) and well, for the "six or seven" of my faithful readers, my TNA Spudguns, I'm letting you know I'm pulling back a bit. 
I know I know, there is a locker room filled with X-Division guys who are going to be without their weekly dose of drooling and praise, weeping into their soup, unable to do anything but toss and turn and wonder why their favourite blogger left them, and didn't even leave the recipe for the molasses cookies,  maybe rip their hair out and spit on a microphone.  Specially the ones who haven't had many screen shots and were waiting for their turn to be given a close up.  Sorry boys.
But  this Renfield got staked.

Doing these reviews/commentary posts for the last few years, has helped to springboard my confidence like you would not believe.  As a writer, it was a way for me to show off my my semi-serious side and my sharp tongue. And helped me get the few interviews I have (outside of the business as I never did land that Sabin interview) done in the last year. Which I would not have been able to achieve as I had a terrible fear of celebrities.  By doing this and my silly posts, I have gotten past that. Mostly.
But, we do create our own ties that bind. Or so the Devil card would keep telling me.
As my readership grew, so did the pressure to make it bigger and bigger.  Talk about falling into a trap Eh? I wanted to turn my little blog into something that mattered to others, to the people I was trying to connect with.  To put it bluntly, I failed massively.
I should have stepped back months ago when the whole thing stopped being fun and started to be a cause of headaches and stomach cramps. I wasn't "watching wrestling" anymore because it was fun,  I was attacking it like a bad sewing project that need ripping apart.
So my Spudguns,  check back with me in a few after this much needed separation. Who knows, maybe I will be closer to having my novel finished and then we - you and me my fiendish readers- can try to talk Mr. Sabin into being the cover model... no?

Why do we fear what we want most

I used to swear up and down I would never be married. I believed that only the stupidest of women would ever let a man chain her down to such a medieval idea.

Then I turned 27.  I literally woke up one morning and knew that was all I wanted in this life.  And suddenly, everywhere I turned I found myself surrounded by married couples.  My own love life started to take a massive upswing.  True I was still only meeting asswipes, but I was meeting a lot more of them.

Here I am 9 years later and still single.  Now, is that because I feared for so long the idea of marriage that I set myself up for destruction?  Could be, as we manifest what we put our energy into.

A few weeks ago, I literally woke up and wanted a baby.  Another thing I have been saying all my life is a waste of time.   But here I am dreaming about a little boy with pale skin and dark eyes running around acting like a superhero.  Why is that?  Hormones? Age? Maybe both. 

I want a family.  I want what I never had growing up, unconditional love.  Sad as it seems.  Yes it's funny and ironic coming from me, the women who's first blog post ever was about how having kids was not the only reason a woman is on this planet.  Laugh it up just don't hurt yourself.

But why do we fear what we want the most?  Is it rejection, failure or something deeper? 
A select few on this planet know that I had a miscarriage when I was 30.  I was having some other health issues and went in for procedure.  When it was over the nurse asked me if I had known I was pregnant.  No, I would never have had the internal procedure done if I had known.  You know what thought ran through my mind after she told me,  not what it should have been, but how I was going to tell my then boyfriend.  Would he be happy?  He had talked about kids more then once and how he loved his roomate's kids.  I told him and he left. That was it. Gone. I never had the chance to make up my mind if I wanted to keep it, it decided it did not want to keep me.
Images of a little boy with brown eyes and brown hair still haunt me some nights.
I saw that exboyfriend after my car accident coming out of the maternity ward with some other woman.  I've heard he has a few kids now.

They say what we fear most is what we are meant to be doing. What we are destined to live.
Believe it or not, I fear being seen.  That someone will actually be reading this blog and pay attention. Maybe that's why I litter it so much with nonsense and doodads.  Fill the empty space with screen shots of my favourite wrestlers and no one will take me seriously.  Then if no one takes me seriously I never have to be responsible for anything. 

Christ the truth hurts

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was this Broadcaster.  She lived in a bubble of semi-truths and loved it. She had so many friends who really seemed to adore her.  Her name was Harley. 
Harley, fell in love with the life she was starting to lead. It was very cool, staying up all night talking about everything and nothing and the fact Naked Lunch was being made into a movie. Never sleeping all day because she had to be at the studio for 6:30am. Believing she and her friends would never grow old, never die.  It was fun being a media vampire. 
Then, one day, a day that started off like any other day, Harley found out that PoetryBoy was doing something really important and totally cool.  He was offered a spot on the soundtrack for the winter games.  He did a piano solo that was extremely emotional . He was fabulous.  But, this caused PoetryBoy to have to turn his back on Harley and their group of friends. Harley took this personal.  Very very personal. 
One night, after PoetryBoy had been in the studio recording, he decided to stop in at the coffee shop where every one was hanging out.  Harley was sitting with their mutual friend The Gerr-mister.  The Gerr-mister had been having a really bad week  and not paying attention to what was going on.  PoetryBoy stood at the edge of the table playing with a fork trying to say something serious, his long dark curly hair in his face, his leather jacket making crinkling noises and his little round Jon-Lennon style sunglasses just perched on his nose. 
Only, Harley did not listen. Instead she insulted PoetryBoy and stormed out of the building. That was in 1995, and she never heard form PoetryBoy again.  There was no happy ending to this story.  Harley soon gave up Broadcasting, and The Gerr-mister went on to release a few cds of his own with his own band and even have a few songs used in an independent horror film, which ironically PoetryBoy did the score for.  PoetryBoy became a solid fixture with the Symphony in Ontario.  
Harley, if anyone ever asked her, would say she has one regret in life.  Not listening to PoetryBoy on that particular night in 1995.  Being a moron and letting her temper get the best of her, in what would be the start of a long line of ruining friendships with the men in her life.  Running away from what is important to her. 
She would also tell you that she is a horrible control freak who can not stand surprises. If Harley could turn back time, she would go back to that night and just sit there letting PoetryBoy talk.  No matter how jealous she was of his success. No matter how unworthy she felt just standing next to him. 
The End.

Not a day has gone by in the last fifteen years that I don't wish I could sit down and talk to this guy.  Fifteen years is a lifetime. A really long time to let something sit heavy on your mind and heart.
Dude, listen to me, I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card or something. 

On the extreme off chance that Mr. B. sees this,  I regret my stupidity. I regret my rudeness. I regret not being a better friend.  I was jealous of the fact you were so successful.

Stop the presses, Mercury is in Retrograde

The planet of communication is doing a 3 week backslide which started it this past Thursday. (now you tell me)  This means miscommunication on all levels.

YOU KNOW HOW I ALWAYS JOKE ABOUT BEING FOUND DEAD UNDER A PILE OF FALLEN BOOKS, IT ALMOST HAPPENED!   I went to get a book and two boxes of books toppled over on my shoulder. Damn you planets going backwards. 

Mercury is the planet that governs communication, commerce, electronics, anything that you need to be skilled at, agility and speed, intellectual energy,  perception, reason, memory, speaking and writing.  Transportation screw ups are high on the list of things to expect will happen, as will computers crashing alot.
Your nerves, arms, hands and fingers are all ruled by Mercury.

Mercury in retrograde motion (until September 12th 2010)  will warp how you understand the world around you. 

DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP DURING THIS TIME as it will explode in your face.

He sliced his fingers off

So I go to mom's to watch this week's NXT and Smackdown, and she's laughing when I get there.
You all heard me say a billion times my parents have not been together for nearly 15 years, nor do my sister or I have anything to do with his side of the family.  Well, last few months Richard (my dad) has been phoning mom a lot because he's health is bad and face it he's scared cause he knows he's all alone now.
He had called about ten minutes before I got there today, and mom was laughing. 

He sliced his fingers off with a saw. 

I do not know what to say on this.   I hate the man.  Yes, hate him,  but how is it funny that he sliced off his fingers?  
He had been working with a table saw, without any back up and all four fingers on his one hand -not sure which- were sliced almost totally off.  He was in surgery for 6 hours the other day.

You are asking why and how did a grown man of 60 years old, end up slicing off his fingers with a saw.  Simple,  as always Rick was drunk out of his mind.  Guess that's why mom thought it was funny.

My ex, Dargo had done something similar when he used to work at the mill. Two of his fingers on his one hand were a different colour slightly after they fixed them.  Not pretty.

Who put hair in the toothbrush

Dude I don't even want to know.

I have no clue what's going on around here.  Either I have a ghost or someone has been in the apartment.  That's just kind of freaky. I go to get my toothbrush and there is a hair hanging off it, that is way too long and too dark to be mine. 
What, was there a werewolf in here or something?  Do I need to buy an alarm for this place?  Nothing here looks out of place, nothing needed to be fixed, so there shouldn't have been any reason for the landlord to have been here. 

Okay enough screwing around, let's get some laughter back on this blog

The last few days have been bad vibes.  Mad waves of paranoia.  Harsh words and cold realities burning fear into the hearts of the weak and the weak of heart.
Mad roads laughing as the sunset rises to catch up with the gulls and the fish.  Swimming in a lake of burnt crimson and sliver toads. 
Observations of character traits that have gone under the waves like thick velvet curtains of smoke and wind chimes.  Blasting out a ray of sentimental hoovering.  Like bats in a cave the jellyfish stumble. Stumbling on around the noise of the dead.  Zombied eyed and thirsty for the souls of the naked prayers. 
With a single candle burning in the smoke filled room.  Black candles slowly burning giving off a scent of raw apples and cinnamon.  
The Cinnamon Girls dancing around in nothing but a net.  Converting their own frozen tears to a damp and scary find.  
Did I mention the the mad waves of paranoia. It's been a clockwork of elasticity giving a fluorescent glow to the numerous crashes of dead beatings.  Leaving the poor exposed and rotten and nothing more then spilled ejaculate on a brick wall for all to see. Like  cosmic ectoplasmic cum dripping from your corpse. 
And all the world is a stage.  Your heart shinning like a brain dead turtle, hiding under the lampshade. What will become of us.  Stumbling around the cave like bats we are just jellyfish. 
                                                                ***** by Ardeth Blood

I think I miss; Mr. B.  this is the kind of stuff we would write.  See who could out shine, out weird, out confuse each other while still slightly making sense. 
But sadly, those poetry readings days are over.  For the moment.

Don't drunk text me at 2am

I told you all before that a male friend got ... odd there couple of months ago. (the post "He's Jealous") And removed himself from my Facebook friends list.  Okay whatever right.

My point of view is once my good opinion is lost, you can't get it back.  Second chances are a rare thing with me. (I'm still working on the whole idea of forgiveness in general)

Anyways, I get a text come in at 2am. It's him, he's at the bar drunk. There's a shocker for ya. 

Buddy- Tell you what,  you get into rehab and stop doing what you did, saying what you said then maybe I'll text you back.

Guys. Why do you feel that texting from the bottom of your shot glass is a good way to do things? 

Oh Gibby I have something to tell you

"Gord was telling me he saw a photo of King Dork on Jules the female dj's Facebook. They're not dating are they?" Erin the evil one asked on the phone half hour ago.

"What?" I started to shake in a bad way.  I know King Dork is in a relationship right now, which sucks to begin with, but for it to be her, I don't think I can handle that.  This is the woman who stole Trainwreck from me. 

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Well what does it matter, you two never got together anyway."

"I care about him alot." me panicking in near tears.

"Well, what's done is done. Thought you were going to move on from him anyways?  Go after Scroll Keeper or you know, one of your little blog buddies there that tag team of yours. That Chris what's his handle and that Alex dude." she was giggling a bit as she continued.   "Okay whatever I shouldn't have said anything. You're turning into a wuss. Get over it. He played you. Time to move on." 

So here's me, wondering how my life got so rotten so fast.  This week just gets worse and worse every second.

It's been a messed up 24 hours

I have people suddenly following my dead Twitter account.  Five people in the last few hours have decided to follow my old Twitter that has not been used since November of last year.

I received emails asking me to add a bunch of stuff to my horror site, which I have not had since March. It's long since been taken down. And few people knew about it to begin with.

Yesterday, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend's younger brother.  I was out with my mom and he was standing beside us in line at the OHIP building.  He kept looking at me, I'm just glad he did not try to talk to me.  Specially since I do not tell my mother anything about my boyfriends/lovers.

One of my emails, the one I use for book reviews,  was cloned and used to spam for porn.  I found this out because one ended up in my own email box.  How messed up is that?  I had to deal with the email host. 

I got stood up by Single Dad again last night.  I don't even like him, but yet I've said yes to dating him twice in the last month. 

Still have not figured out what that sick feeling was about from last night. 

I think it's time to get my astrology charts done again. It's been a few years. I usually like to do that myself, as I have the books and am trying to learn how to cast charts. But every so often you need someone who knows what they are doing.  There is just so much math in doing charts and numbers have never been my strong side.

Once again I am blowing off work which means I will be rushing to finish the 3 books I have to do for review by the end of next week.  But you know, right now the way I am feeling I just do not care.
I can hear the Life Coaches now telling me that is a drenny attitude to have if I want to succeed at anything. 
I have not worked on my own novel in about two months.  But, I do have a nice new plot line for my zombie/vampire script.  So that has to count for something right?  Right?

Vampires Suck-2010

Midway through watching last night's TNA Impact on iTunes Canada,  I decided it was perfect vampire movie weather, all dark and thunder storms,  so I went to the cinema

Plot: Becca is the new girl to Sporks and there is something odd about the town.  Vampires run around openly feeding.  When she meets Edward she starts to think of nothing but getting him out of his promise ring. Soon, she's the target of a group of evil vampires and must survive long enough to save Edward at their prom from exposing more then just his sagging butt.  The whole while, turning down Jacob and running from his loyal teenaged groupies. Who will survive this in the end, Team Edward or Team Jacob.

I have to say, this was a light way to spend the afternoon.  Half the jokes are slapstick and would work well in any film.  Half the jokes are only useful if you have seen the Twilight Saga.
Casting did a great job finding look alikes to play the core roles in this film.  The best moment hands down is when Edward is depressed with a large vat of ice cream and flat hair. 

Mr. Shelley good thing I am not a punk fan

I used screen capture for this post

I finally got to sit down and read the latest issue of the MMG blog on Spike website.  And all I have to say is  that was a stake to the heart.
Would you like to cut off my head and nail some garlic flowers to my coffin too....

Something bad is going on

I have been ignoring the cards.   The Devil and the Tower by themselves are powerful omens, usually in regards to something sudden that is about to happen. 
The Tower card is the card of Chaos. Not always a bad thing.  The Devil card is the card of soul power and intense magnetism. Again not always a bad thing.
Pull these two beside each other in a spread and all hell breaks loose.  That would be a bad thing.

I have not been listening to the cards;  yes I know I know, after 20 years as a Tarot reader you would think that of all things I would know better and not ignore them.  What do you want me to say other then my head's been up my ass okay. 

In 2004 I got this sick feeling and knew my then boyfriend was about to leave me. I ignored it. The break up destroyed me.
In 2006 I got this sick feeling and knew I should not go to the volunteer job I had.  I ignored it.  That was the day of my car accident.

I just came online and got this sick feeling again.   Those two tarot cards have been coming up in my readings for weeks.  

Something bad is about to happen.  Or I should say just did, while I was typing all this.  The sick feeling was overwhelming and now I sit here, drinking a cup of tea trying to sort it all out. 

The last few days I have been toying with the idea of writing a blog post about falling out of love.  I keep stopping myself from actually writing it.  I'm not sure that's what really is happening. 
I know I am at a crossroads in my life where I don't know who to trust.  I keep falling for the wrong guys, trusting the wrong "best friends", and just sitting back waiting.

Whatever it was the shit is about to hit. 
I've said it before about omens,  when your right side of your body itches, your true love is thinking of you.  Every night at the same time my shoulder itches.  Tonight it was starting and then the sick feeling.

Seriously, I'm sitting here now trying to figure this all out.  And I can not. 

If this has something to do with the guy who is my ONE,  then I'm not sure I want to know.

A deep freeze is for storage

Okay, I was chatting with a friend of mine and we were talking about grocery shopping.  I started to remember hanging out with this one friend and her husband.  Sweet sweet people, but he's got a weirdness about food.  My friend spends more time and money then she needs to at the grocery because her husband will not eat anything that's been in the freezer or leftovers either.
I have always wondered where he gets this oddity from.  We may never know. 
I had stayed with them few years ago for a week, and my friend had to put the kids in a bath.  I was helping her do that when she asked me to clean the kitchen.  I go to the kitchen and find it clean, the dishwasher on and coffee brewing.  I head back in to tell her and she slumps over at the shoulders and was like "He cleaned didn't he?" I nodded thinking isn't that like the best thing on the planet a husband who cleans up after dinner?  My friend goes "he threw it all out.  We could have had leftovers for lunch tomorrow but go look I know he chucked it all cause he does not like the idea of leftovers" 
I go to the kitchen and just look in the fridge.  Nothing there.  Yeah he threw everything in the trash.
Grabbing two coffees I headed back into the bathroom to hang out with her while the kids were in the tub, and we got to talking about it.  She tells me when I go downstairs,  check the deep freeze.  "You'll find frozen veggies and bread. And fishsticks for the kids.  He won't eat anything that's been frozen."
I had wondered why my friend had gone to the grocery every night to get chicken or hamburger for their dinner. I did my own meals as me being veggie.

Now, most people if they have the room for a deep freeze, will use it to the best of the space. That means filling it up with meat, breads, leftovers, a turkey what have you.   What's the point of having one if you are not going to use it? 
And he had a beer fridge so he wasn't even using it for that.

All I have to say is when my soulmate comes into my life, I hope he has better kitchen sense.

TNA Reaction for Aug 12th 2010

I used screen capture for this post

Full week behind, and that is because I had to wait for the official Spike website to post it.  Does not look like iTunes Canada will be carrying it. 
So this is done "documentary" style.  Mockumetary actually.  Looks as if it's going to be a vehicle to make Dixie Carter a tv star.  

Can you tell I thought it sucked goat balls. 

We saw Kaz and Styles talking backstage about how they are unhappy. 
Devon bleeding on the floor ranting while they showed a too long flashback from the show.  Cut To Camera 3 and Dixie is talking to Dreamer who is also bleeding on the floor.   So basically, we have all the soap opera crap that used to be on the show.  Which is fine, if they want to keep it all on one hour and let Impact be wrestling. 

Cut to Camera 4 - MotorCityMachine Guns!  we have a small recap of their match for the belts and snips of them backstage. Was Alex Shelley just totally out of breath trying to scream at the camera or had he been crying? Chris Sabin had to take over the interview.

Cut To Camera 5- Recapping the KnockOuts.  They made it seem from Angelina Love's interview that the curtain was dropped, but then enter the rest of the girls and ....moving on

Cut To Camera 6- Dreamer in the backroom talking about how Flair screwed  all of the hardcore guys in the last match.  Nice way to try to make Fortune the next thing. 
Cut To Camera 7- Beer Money Inc talking backstage about the belts and getting them back.

Well, it sucked.  But then again, most soap operas do their first episode.  Anyone coming into things and turning on the show without having seen anything in the past of TNA, would have little issue catching up with things.  But all in all,  it blew goat balls.

Reaction gets a dissatisfaction from me.

What's in your cucumber sandwich?

When Erin and I were kids,  she used to host tea parties in her back yard.  This was done about twice a summer.  This we were to find out years later,  was a way to keep us kids out of the house for an hour while her mom got together with a few of her friends.  

I remember one thing from these rare and fabulous tea parties.   The cucumber sandwiches that the next door neighbour Mrs. Gilbert used to make.  
She was the neighbourhood babysitter.

Now, years later,  do you think either Erin or myself could remember what was in those sandwiches besides cucumber.  Of course not.  But we've both tried countless recipes since. 
(I am collecting a few recipes that Erin's grandmother used to make all the time, and must remember to post them on my cooking blog soon) 
My latest idea, and honestly one of those interesting kitchen accidents that sort of makes sense, is a cucumber and herb cream cheese sandwich.

Supper simple. 

Half a cucumber sliced or diced
2 table spoons herb and garlic cream cheese
Lettuce
2 slices tomato (optional)
ground table pepper (optional)

Embarrassingly simple but so damned good. And it only takes about 5 minutes to make.

Another sucky thing

I'm not even getting requests for book reviews at this point,  I am just getting emails with a picture of the book's cover or the links to the book trailers now.

It's like once you get going you become not even your blog but just a random email.
Some guy I've never heard of,  a company I've never heard of sent an email to me, without any introduction or even a "would you be interested"  but just the cover shot of the novel. 
The first thing out of everyone's mouth when I say I review books is "How much do you get paid for that?"
I don't.  I get the books for free.  I started this cause I love books. Continued cause I thought I might be able to network a bit. 

My buddy Gerry asked me why I have not become a music reviewer,  then at lest I would get free cds/tee shirts/concert tickets.  Maybe I should. Might get a little more respect.

Suck -2009

Nobody does a rock and roll movie like a Canadian.   Nobody does a vampire movie like a Canadian.

Plot: The Winners are a struggling band who just had their manager walk out on them in the middle of a tour.  While in Montreal, their bass player is seduced by a 300 year old vampire called Queeny.  Queeny has been turning musicians into the undead for years, and seems to be the best rock n roll manager they've ever had.  Soon the rest of the band decide to bite.  But their biggest fan happens to be Eddie Van Helsing,  a vampire hunter who's following them on every tour stop.


This film is genius pure genius!  With rock legends Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins and Iggy Pop and  Clockwork Orange's Malcolm McDowell how can you go wrong.
This film is set in the same vein as Hard Core Logo was. It takes it's subject just serious enough without coming off as cheesy or fluffy.  The soundtrack is packed from coffin to cross with hard hitting numbers, and the style is pure gloss on grit,  just what a vampire film should be filled with.

"Suck"  is a bit Queen of the Damned and a lot of Hard Core Logo, full on with a few rock video moments and surprising Canadian actor cameos (Danny Smith from Big Wolf On Campus plays a gas station clerk) that have you laughing out loud at just the right times.  Moby as a heavy metal meat freak was an interesting twist.

And let's face it,  Vampires and Rock n Roll go together like well, Vampires and Rock n Roll

I rented this off iTunes Canada, but I think I'll be hitting the record store later and splashing out on a copy of the DVD.

The choice is yours

One of the things I chatted today with Helen on when we went for coffee was the idea of Lifemates vs Soulmates.

The idea was put out there of what if we are given a Lifemate  right now and our Soulmate years from now?
I've been thinking about that for the last few hours while I watched last night's WWE Raw.  
The thought has crossed my mind that since my Soulmate isn't ready to be in my life, and it would seem I'm not truly ready yet to be in his,  that a Lifemate might be coming into things.    Have I confused you yet?

I'm still trying to sort it all out myself and where my beliefs are now.    I believed one way for most of my life.   It's got me examining how I view the world in general.

I have never kept any secrets of my relationships since blogging.  Some say that is a good thing others have told me it's a bad thing.  I learn and figure by talking and writing.  I'm one of those people

The Scroll Keeper has gotten my attention as of late.  In fact, I can't get him off my mind. This is bad, very bad as I have not stopped caring for King Dork.  My friend's husband should never had talked to me on his views on Scroll Keeper as it's all I have been able to think about.  Once you put an idea in my head I tend to run with it.
So now I am faced with what may indeed end up being a choice.  Am I ready for that?

Eat Pray Love - Movie Time

 I look like such a hoser here.  But hey, guess what, I got out of the apartment.  Yay me!

You're favourite ghoul next door spent the day with a some of the girls from the Superior Shores Wellness Center, hanging out at the cinema and coffee shop.

We went to see Eat Pray Love   and surprisingly enough I did NOT cry.  I thought I would,  I had even brought a small pouch of kleenex because you know me,  I cry over everything.   So top photo is me laughing like a moron because Helen was making me laugh.  She's a brilliantly funny lady.  Gotta love her.  That was taken at the coffee house.  

That's my Aunt Maggie there in the white. 

Loraine and Helen.

The movie was fabulous!  All I have to say is JAVIER BARDEM!!!!

Yes that is all I have to say about the film.  How could you not fall in LOVE with Javier? 

All the ladies in the book club/movie group today were great, fabulous to hang with. 

Then Helen and I took off to the coffee house where I did a tarot reading for her and we had a chat about the book "Camino"  by Shirley MacLaine.    So, Books -Movies-Coffee.  That's my idea of a great fabulous day. 
I downloaded a new vampire movie from iTunes Canada  called "Suck"  that I plan on watching tonight.  Been looking forward to that one too, it's got Alice Cooper and Henry Rollins in it so it should rock.  All puns intended.

I do not think I will give a plot of the film for any kind of review because  I really want people to see this movie.  I don't want anyone going in with my thoughts and views on something.   I know, you my Spudguns are thinking "What? She does not want to tell us her views?  Is she okay? Should we worry?"  
Seriously,  this is a film that you need to see yourself without a critic/reviewer's thoughts pre-put in your mind.

Dear Mr. Sabin.... another round

I used screen capture for this post
Dear Mr. Sabin

You keep leaving us hanging.  (I'm laughing as I type this honest I'm being good)  You have on the MMG spike blog, mentioned a book you were reading, and your cat, among other things  and then you never come back with updates. 

Was the book any good?  Was it horrible?  Did you review it?
Did you find your cat?

I know we all write Doodads because it's a doodad sort of world.  But doodad updates are a second post when you have nothing else to talk about....


Love Ardeth Blood

You know when your eyes hurt

It's one of those days where I can't seem to sit still.  I'm suppose to be reading a book for review, Mr. Darcy's Little Sister,  and I keep coming back to this blog.   I have a few topics floating around in my brain that I want to talk about that are around the same theme but no idea how to blend them together.  And terrible eye strain today. 
Yesterday was a massively busy email day that was just non stop and today, it's been silent.  Everyone is working or sleeping or doing other stuff.  The odd part, yesterday here was a beautiful day and everyone was on the computer, today was not as nice and no one is around.  Spooky no?

Supper was ramen noodles because I'm having a lazy day and did not want to cook anything. 

So I'm writing this zombie movie

I used screen capture for this post
If you have been reading my stuff for the last while you know that few years back I was trying to do a zombie/vampire movie.   And for many many reasons, it just never worked out.  
Crew issues, scheduling issues, lack of talent with my actors, lack of any kind of budget etc.
We had been working on it off and on for 10 years.  Yes since 2000. 
It was pointed out to me two years ago that my movie was cursed.  In fact it would seem I cursed it and myself by writing the plot to fail.  

Don't think too hard.  Take it just as I said it, I wrote it to fail.

Anyways,  I was told  by an Astrologer, that a project I had on the back burner would finally get the green light.  Well, I was not even thinking my little horror comedy at all, I was thinking more along the lines of my novel which is stuck at the moment in a semi dead state cause of my constant writer's block.
And then the most genius thing ever happened.   I figured out what was wrong with my movie.  Yeah I'm a little excited right now aren't you.   So I've gotten a few notes done now on where to make major changes in my script.
And you're all on pins and needles wanting to know what the what is.   All I have to say is big kisses to Chris Sabin.  

I was sitting here having a coffee and spotted the Aug 13th episode of TNA Today with the MMG  and I figured it out.  Dude, ironic too that it was a Friday the 13th episode and it inspired my zombie/vampire script.   And you're all wanting to know what did he do this time... actually all he did was raise an eyebrow.  Seriously.  All he did was turn his attention from the camera and raised an eyebrow, with a full on shot of his sideburns. The style  that I said looked like he was trying to look like a bad porn star from the 70's. 
I know I know, what else can I say other then the boy is a gift for artists.  He's just fabulous.  

He ranaway

I've talked many many many times about my search for my ONE.  My soulmate.
I have mentioned in a previous post about omens (Thursday July 15th 2010)
and that might have been a mistake.  If he's reading me.  I might have spooked him.  And no I can not say who HE is as he's not in my life yet.  I'm talking in broad terms here.

I mentioned how when your right side of your body itches it means your true love is thinking of you, and how for months straight every night at the same exact time my right side specially my shoulder would start to itch and no matter what .... well, it's pretty much stopped now.  What was a floodgate is now a slow drip.

My friend's husband said maybe I scared the guy if he was a regular reader, or maybe he's dating someone or something. Could be who knows Eh?

This is what I know for sure.   I have to partake a spiritual journey.  So to speak.  Honestly, at this point in my life I have no idea what that will mean. 
It could mean something massive like a new religious path and going on a pilgrimage.  It could mean something as mundane as forgiveness for some issues in my past.  It could mean just working more with the Life Coaches.   I have no clue right now where I stand looking at things.   I just know that HE won't come into my life till I've either completed it or at the lest made steps towards it.

Don't you love it when I get all Oogy-Boogy on you? You know you do. It makes you tingle.

I will tell you this much about when I finally do meet up with my Soulmate.   There will be sparks. As we've seen many strange things already;  bloody wolves chasing us through some blue inferno... oh wait that's Dracula right. Sorry was watching it earlier and that line Keanu Reeves says when in the castle always sticks in my throat for a few hours.

Honestly, I figure it will be something super simple and comfortable like the guy walking over to me the second he spots me and either being totally compelled to hug and kiss me like some cheesy romantic comedy or he'll rest his chin on my shoulder and wrap his arms around my waist also like something from a cheesy romantic comedy.

Or maybe he'll just stare at me and drool a bit before tripping over the cuffs of his pants and falling flouso on his face and eyes, with my luck spilling his coffee on me.  Then he'll stammer and blush and look at his shoes but only after the ever so uncomfortable and unneeded boob graze as he tries to wipe up the spilled coffee off me with the tail of his tee shirt.  Where upon then he'll most likely smash his skull into mine knocking my glasses off kilter and bruising us both.

Well I think we all know which senario I'm more likely to end up in.  And wouldn't that make for a sweet first date.  A trip to the fracture clinic.